I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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