Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
