Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
