Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
