i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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