ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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