ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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