He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
