Porn is love you can see.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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