Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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