"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
