Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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