Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
