I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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