Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
