i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He shit in the fireplace
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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