i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
