Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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