"it" just moved
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
