Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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