Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
