A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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