Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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