I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
