All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
