Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
