I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm really busy with my period
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