My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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