Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
