where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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