I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
