wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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