I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
