WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
