so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
