i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
