it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
