I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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