HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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