everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
