My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He felt like a one man threesome
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
