I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
