I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
