hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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