i just had sex bonerless
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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