yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
