And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
