it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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