the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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