how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Actions speak louder than pants.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's shark week go big or go home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
